Is it just me – or was Cheryl Cole’s X-Factor performance abysmal? She has about as much personality and pizzazz as Lewis Hamilton sitting in a library.

Even Whitney, falling out of a dress and so raspy from the amount of weed she’s smoked over the years, sounded better. Mind you, Whitney could still sound good with a crack pipe hanging out of her mouth than Cheryl Cole ever could.

Not only are there 50,000 better people that could have been selected to judge a singing competition, people seemed to have forgotten that she used to be a racist thug.

Don’t get me wrong, Danni Minogue has about has much right to judge a singing competition as Nick Griffin has to host a Wu Tang Clan album launch party, but Cheryl just has absolutely nothing about her.

“I really enjoyed it” is the only rubbish sentence she can muster up on what has become two hours of torture on a Saturday night – that despite our hatred for, we must watch. It’s like crack. Infact I will now rename it, Crack Factor.

This poor choice in presenters has now encouraged the likes of the brainless, red lipsticked-face, Alesha Dickson to suddenly become a knowledgeable dance critique. Oh please. Just because you win a competition, doesn’t mean you are an expert. Mind you, atleast Alesha laughs - which I don't think Cheryl Cole has ever done in her spoilt life.

I mean, Rick Waller might win a pie eating contest, but does that mean, he should present a morning cookery show? No.

It amuses me endlessly to also see her husband; Ashley Cole occasionally sat in the audience, where he now has her giant thumb continually hovering over him for the rest of his life due to his stupidity. He must be sat there, thinking… (if he does think) ..“Please God; let me just go to the pub with my mates…. Please God….. Don’t put me through this again.

I will leave my rant at that, but if I have to see another, performance that is overshadowed by 73,000 dancers and a sh*t outfit and more to the point,  miming – I will hang myself to the sounds of John and Edward - another pair of c**ts i might add, but that's a different story.