I woke up this morning feeling good. Glad that I was alive and breathing. Yeah my breath stank and my man bits were a bit sweaty but other than that I felt that it was going to be a good day. I switched on my TV and got very excited (PAUSE) when I saw that Boyz II Men were going to be on GMTV with Lorraine Kelly. Yes! Some decent early music entertainment for once!

Bear in mind now, Boyz II Men are my favourite male vocal group ever (note I did NOT say boy band!) and I truly believe that they are top five dead or alive which is why I was so enthralled to see them promoting their new album on prime time telly. All was going well.  Our friend Lorraine was paying dues and paying homage calling them “legends” and congratulating them on the looming twenty year anniversary in the music business.  Even though her words reeked of media PR press drivel – for once it was the truth.

Then suddenly my world collapsed and she officially murdered my day.

This Lorraine Kelly character had the nerve to compare JLS to Boyz II Men!!!  She said that JLS were the British version of them.  Boyz II Men sheepishly replied “yeah we met them last night, they’re nice guys blah blah blah”.  I know Wanya must’ve wanted to pimp slap her off the sofa and into the flower pot over on the other side of the room.

Following Lorraine Kelly’s poppycock comment, I was shocked, angry, distraught and offended and I wanted to give her one of those Zangief spinning pile drivers from Street Fighter.  How dare she compare Boyz II Men – a group that have made classic songs, genre defining albums and can kill careers with an acapella – to a boy band who have proved nothing other than they are four young men that women will find attractive and are therefore sellable to the lemming like mass market?

Don’t let a few number one singles and an album fool you Lorraine!!!  I doubt JLS will even see three albums before the label decides to “N-Sync” them all, give little one who was always crying on X-Factor a solo deal and toss the rest of them somewhere dark and damp.  They have no musical credibility whatsoever.  I can out sing all four of those punks with a cold.  That’s an official challenge too.  Step up!  Yes, they are doing “well” and I commend them because quite frankly they could be “shotting” on the corner.  But, Lorraine Kelly, never in your life, compare them to the legends.  I doubt they will ever reach the dizzying heights of the mountain top where legends such as Jodeci, Blackstreet and Dru Hill reside.  JLS aren’t even better than Damage and they got their label P45’s years ago!

Lorraine Kelly – you my dear were well out of order for comparing Boyz II Men to JLS on live TV.  That was a very disrespectful move in my world.  You dumb totty.  Your paedophile esque obsession with those four young boys is disgusting.  Do you need to mention them at every opportune moment?  You’re a big woman so act like one.  I am sick of corporate media types – yeah, you - who grace our television screens and radio stations fronting like they know what “blackness” is and in turn attempt to appropriate what black “music” and better yet, what black “culture” is to suit your money making expectations.  Remember the corporate takeover of the word black that happened a few years ago where everything that was considered “black” was repackaged as “urban”.  That is my point.  Didn’t know the word “black” could make you all blush.  Stop it.  It is embarrassing.  The nerve of you people I swear!

Lorraine Kelly, I’m not even sure why you’re on the TV anyway.  Your voice is annoying and you proved this morning that you know diddilly squat about black music.  Respect the architect, show discipline and recognize a real don when you see one.