What the ..., what the fuck is that smell? Oh, it's Naomi Campbell's shit. Yes, you ignorant, arrogant, self-important, vacuous, 40-year-old irrelevant clothes horse, it does stink. It stinks to high heaven.
I've never entirely understood the appeal of this scrag anyway. In order to justifiably act like you're nice, it helps if you actually are. There are better looking girls on the average Budgen checkout, and rake-thin skinny bitches are two-a-penny in an industry where appetite-supressing coke is hoovered up on a daily basis. So what exactly has been the enduring appeal of Campbell these past two decades? Seriously - is she just there to fulfill some kind of ethnic criteria? Why the hell has the modelling game put up with her narcissistic haughty attitude for so long without casting her into the Streatham dole queue where she belongs?
It was insulting enough that she was able to maintain her career after the farcical British Airways episode of two years ago where she went apeshit at one of her bags being mislaid by ground staff. Thankfully she earned herself a lifetime global ban on flying BA from that, but she escaped prison or even a hefty fine for assaulting a police officer by instead picking up community service. Her pulling the racist card by claiming a member of cabin staff called her a 'golliwog' was infantile and truly pathetic. Has anyone even used that word since 1951?
Not that this has been the only display of her legendary 'it's all about me' temper. In 2000, she was ordered to attend anger management classes and escaped punishment for allegedly battering her assistant with a hotel phone and threatening to push her out of a moving car. In 2005 she was back on the case, reportedly smacking another assistant around the head with a Blackberry. The following year, she was back in court accused of leaving her housekeeper covered in blood after beating her with a jewel-encrusted mobile phone. Don't expect Campbell to be cropping up on the next 02 or T-Mobile ad campaign, unless they're delivered with a very heavy sense of irony.
This month, of course, has been the clincher, as Ms. Thing was revealed to have been given a large, uncut diamond by Liberian warlord Charles Taylor. In a rare piece of justice, she was subpoeaned to appear before the war crimes tribunal in Holland, where she was forced to admit receiving the 'blood diamonds'.
Not before complaining that having to appear there was 'inconvenient,' however. Clearly far more inconvenient than the thousands of killings and maimings from the wars that the blood diamond industry routinely funds. Has anyone peeped that ABC News clip where she's being asked about the diamonds and turns her cheek in order to avoid replying? Have you EVER felt more like slapping a bitch's face than at that point? And nothing less than a rusty nail-encrusted cricket bat would do for that job.
Arrogant attitudes are plentiful in the acting, music and sports worlds. While they're always sickening, at least the individuals concerned display some skill, whether it's acting, singing or playing sport. Placing one foot in front of the other whilst wearing somebody else's clothes really isn't enough.
This disgusting, shockingly soulless excuse for a human should be boycotted by every fashion label in the world and sent back to the ghetto obscurity from which, like a rancid fart, she once seeped.
