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Christmas songs; an annual ordeal

By Ewen Ramsbottom | 06 December 2013

Ho, Ho, Ho! (but enough about Christina Aguilera, Ke$ha and Miley Cyrus.) 'Tis the season for Noddy Holder to get even richer off a song he wrote in the late 60s originally entitled 'Buy Me A Rocking Chair' before being morphed into 'Merry Christmas Everybody' and recorded during a sweltering Summer in New York to make the most of pre-booked studio time. And if that one doesn't get you, rest assured that Roy Wood & Wizzard, Cliff Richard, Shakin' Stevens, Greg Lake, Jona Lewie, Wham, Band Aid, East 17, etc, etc, etc, will. Shrewd music industry marketeers realised many decades ago that a popular Christmas hit ensures a nice payday for the composers concerned for the rest of their days. Would Noddy Holder be a millionnaire off of 'Cum On Feel The Noize' or 'Mama Weer All Crazee Now?' Or would anyone have actually heard of Greg Lake?

The 'decent' Christmas record that's always cited as not being as grimace-inducing as the usual suspects is The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, of course. But 26 years' straight is a VERY long time to have to put up with any record every single December, every single place you go.

The unacceptable thing about these seasonal audio-cancers is you're given no choice in whether you want to hear them or not. Nip into any given supermarket for that loaf of bread you've forgotten, and there they are, being piped out of the speakers from morning to night. At no other time of year are we force-fed tuneage like this, and it's only every November that you're reminded these stores even have in-house speakers at all. Worse still are the moronic staff all decked out in reindeer ears and elf hats, 'getting in the Christmas spirit',  by being all jolly and wacky and showing what good sports they are, and expecting you to do the same. The only Christmas spirit I feel like is a large Jack Daniel's, and it gets into me, rather than me into it.

It's the same with the radio. This onslaught makes absolutely no provision for those who choose not to celebrate the capitalist spendfest that is Christmas; we're all just expected to suspend our intelligence together for the sake of 'tradition'. Well, why not go the whole hog and go into full Pagan sun worship if we're doing tradition, since the advent of the Winter Solstice and the 'rebirth' of the sun on 25th December after three days is the real origin of this annual lunacy. The following video from Ras Kass tells it like it is.


Funny ... you never seem to hear this one in your local Tesco, do you?!

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