Wattup, my Shiggaz. Hope you got all that you wished for at Christmas. Now that it's all out of the way, let's take a look at some of the useful Christmas presents they SHOULD have made. You can't go wrong with any of this lot.

Justin Bieber Floor Mop. Soaks up any old crap - just like the fans. 

Kanye West butt plugs. From one big arsehole to another. 

Russell Brand tampons. Because it takes one to know one. 

Drake sleeping tablets. One bar gives eight hours slumber. 

Lil Wayne Monopoly game. Go to jail, go directly to jail. 

Mel Gibson insect repellent. Also works on women. 

Will.i.am incontinence pants. Putting shit in its rightful place. 

Tinie Tempah magic party balloon. Blows up out of all feasible proportion. 

X Factor do-it-yourself lobotomy kits. Who needs a brain anyway? 

Dappy novelty condoms. A cock in a silly hat. But enough about Dappy.

Eminem sleeping pills. Tried and tested. 

Danny Dyer's Guide To DJing. Single-sided postage stamp. 

Wayne Rooney cracked mirror repair kits. 

Nicki Minaj Speak & Spell games. Ruin your child's educational potential forever.

www.bluesandsoul.com punctuation and basic grammar courses for beginners.