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Sheep Shizzle: Getting Up Your Snout

By Shaun Shearer | 09 March 2011

Wattup Sheeple. It's about that time to dish some more droppings on the celebs we all love and hate. Come to think of it, it's mainly hate. After all, everyone on this page is already richer than you or I will ever be in our lives, so you see where I'm coming from?  Let's see who's been getting up our snouts this time around...

So, it's 14 years since the assassination of The Notorious BIG, (and still no-one has been charged with the murder, just as with 2Pac, Big L, etc.) Ever get the impression the Feds don't really like rappers, and don't mind too much when another black guy is off the scene? Having said that, can you imagine the effect if Akon, Will.i.am or T-Pain got sprayed with bullets?  The manufacturers of Autotune would demand a conviction. They'd also be out of business within a day. 

In the US, everyone continues to get their knickers in a twist over the likes of Usher, Beyonce, Janet Jackson and Nelly Furtado having played gigs for the Gaddafi family, prompting each of them to donate their fees to some charity or other to deflect criticism. If performing for mass-murdering psychopathic war criminals is so socially unacceptable, all artists who have ever been given an audience to Tony Bliar had better get their cheque books out now. 

Two men were reportedly stabbed at a Lloyd Banks concert in Buffalo, New York, after a skirmish broke out. This type of behaviour will only give rise to more criticism of rap music inciting violence that club and venue managers use to justify shutting nights down. This is clearly rubbish. Now I think of it, however, listening to the average Flo Rida or Black Eyed Peas record does make me want to go and slash someone's face. Mainly Flo Rida and Black Eyed Peas. 

So photos of Chris Brown parading naked have been 'leaked' on the net, (just before his new album is to drop - what a coincidence), causing many a female tongue to wag, (no innuendo intended.) Well, publishing pictures of a dick for publicity never did N-Dubz any harm. 

The Southport Weekender is relocating to Butlins in Minehead this May. Good news for Southerners tired of making the long-ass trip to the North West. Not so good for our Northern cousins. Being in Somerset means there's acually nothing 'Southport' about the event now, of course. Coming next, Mardi Gras on the Isle of Wight, the New York Jazz Festival at John O' Groats, and the Burning Man Festival on Hackney Marshes. 

Sales of Smokey Robinson and Stevie Wonder's back catalogue have soared since Barack Obama stated he was a big fan. Billy Ray Cyrus, Rednexx and the dude that played the banjo in 'Deliverence' are said to be well pissed that they didn't enjoy the same good fortune following their endorsement by George W Bush. 

The latest international book festival has unveiled the unusual new category of Smallest Book In the World. Among the contenders are The Kanye West Guide To Humility, the Aretha Franklin Slimming Diet, Justin Bieber's Shaving Handbook, Quiet Nights In by Charlie Sheen, My Album Discography 1999-2011 by Dr Dre, What I've Learned About Making Good Music by Akon, Mediocrity: My Career Defined by Wiz Khalifa and the NYPD Chronicle of leads in the Notorious BIG murder case. 

Til next time, flockers.

 

 

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